this happened to me: a

this happened to me: a play in two parts

The following is a guest post by ouranophobe reader Kaitlin Sebben:

COP:Here is a glowstick. It is green and glowing.
KAITY: Thank you!


This is Kaity Sebben's first guest post on ouranophobe. She likes professional people with notebooks, "especially the Cuddly Cutie ones."

12-13-2001 8:40 PM - comments (1)

Cut to the Chase The

Cut to the Chase

The following is a guest post by ouranophobe reader Chase McCown:

hi. this is chase (rachel's friend). i don't keep an online journal, but i live vicariously through ouranophobe. when i grow up, i want to be a movie star like dustin diamond or lori petty. my favorite day of the week is tuesday, i like cocoa butter, and i'm pretty open-minded when it comes to flexi/non-flexi straws. i'm also an individual, lost in a sea of conformity and non-individuals. as i type with my glass-less glasses, i am reminded of the brilliant graffitti vandals who said "plastic, must you conform." so if any of you single females out there are feeling a little lonely, why not drop me a line? who knows -- with a little patience, some mutual deceit, and a lot of money, i could be your everything.

This is Chase McCown's first guest post on ouranophobe. He is a senior at the University of Missouri. He's extremely good looking, especially if you're blind.

12-13-2001 8:32 PM - comments (0)

breathe a sigh of relief

breathe a sigh of relief

don't bother saying you're sorry why don't you come in? smoke all my cigarettes again every time i get no further how long has it been? come on in now, wipe your feet on my dreams you take up my time like some cheap magazine when i could have been learning something well, you know what i mean i've done this before and i'll do it again come on and cut me, baby, while you smile like a friend oh and i'll come running just to do it again

you are the last drink i never should have drunk
you are the body hidden in the trunk
you are the habit i can't seem to kick
you are my secrets on the front page every week
you are the car i never should have bought
you are the train i never should have caught
you are the cut that makes me hide my face
you are the party that makes me feel my age
like a car crash i can see but i just can't avoid
like a plane i'm told i never should board
like a film that's so bad but i gotta stay 'til the end
let me tell you that it's lucky for you that we're friends

-pulp "like a friend"

I don't mean to be arrogant, but there are some times I can kick ass tremendously. For one, I told off Melissa's ex-boyfriend this week in a scathing e-mail (I insulted his intelligence, style and loserness in the course of 200 words) and today I severed some ties that have needed cutting for quite some time. I have about had it with manipulation. Of course, if it weren't for people who allow themselves to be used, assholes wouldn't exist. This explains Howard Stern's existence.

Lesson learned? Think about the people in your life. How many friends do you have who use you and never give anything in return? The best thing you can do for yourself for a New Year's resolution is to cut out the users from your life and vow never to let them back in. You will only suffer a low self-esteem and heartache if you continue being nice to them. Think of it this way: when you are kind to someone who treats you poorly, it only serves to justify their insensitive and terrible behavior. They'll never change if they don't have reason to.

Guess what? I used the expression "Welcome to Caringville. Population: You" today. And it felt damn good.

12-13-2001 3:00 PM - comments (0)

in a world of dreams

in a world of dreams

I am having such a...productive day. Christie and I had our interview for the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program (we did really well. I credit it to our consistent message of non-drug use). Then we dropped my car off at the dealership to get its 15,000 mile checkup. The funny thing is, that place takes so incredibly long just to change my car's oil, and yet today it was ready in two hours. I'm going to pick it up with Christie tomorrow.

(This post is really boring, in case you can't tell.)

The rest of the day consisted of watching soaps, taking a long nap with Elliott, cleaning out under the sink and organizing my makeup, vacuuming downstairs, watching Beat the Geeks (a fantastic game show on Comedy Central, complete with a Simpsons expert), eating a Lean Pocket (okay, Dave, I know you told Michael I wouldn't be able to stay on my proposed diet. But I desperately need sodium), watching Scrubs (swoon) and now I'm going to paint my toenails an outrageous sparkly color named Shazam and take a long bath. Sans Elliott.

I can't believe this is what I do on my day off. I love it.

p.s. Kevin, I loved Mulholland Drive. It was amazing.

song playing: Kula Shaker - Magic Theater

12-11-2001 7:44 PM - comments (0)

you say i'm empty i

you say i'm empty

i sit in the dark light to wait for the ghost night to bring the past to life to make a toast to life because i have survived.

what is it you want?
what is it you want to change?

--the smashing pumpkins

Just a thought.

12-10-2001 4:28 PM - comments (0)

i guess it's no surprise

i guess it's no surprise

I turned in my epic journalism immersion project today. I feel incredibly free, and yet all I have done with my time so far is make to do lists and clean. I am gigantically pathetic...

but at least I won't be gigantic! Yes, I am embarking on an amazing diet of yogurt, Slim-Fast, rice cakes and cereal. It's a crash diet until next Monday, and I just want to lose five pounds. My car will be loaded down enough as it is.

I hope Michael finds out if he can come home with me over break soon. We need to get the plane ticket ASAP because you know how those sketchy airlines are. Especially Southwest. Never trust an airline that hasn't had a crash yet. You never know if you're going to be on that inevitable doomed flight.

For some reason, I have the urge to go to a record store and buy all of Everclear's albums. I'm in a weird mood.

Tonight, Chase, Kaity, Christie and I are going to see David Lynch's Mulholland Drive at Ragtag. I really like Lynch's stuff (what I've seen of it). We watched the pilot of Twin Peaks on Saturday and it makes me want to pull a Chase and rent the whole season. I don't remember if they ever reveal who the murderer was. Anyone know?

Elliott update: he's, of course, still extremely cute. I gave him a bath last night, or attempted to. He was all wet and his fur was sticking straight up and he was violently shivering. He was mad at me for about a half hour. Thank goodness for cats' short-term memory.

I only have one final this week. My poli sci professor exempted me from that final because of my "superior performance" in that class. Um, okay. I just wish my next-door neighbor Kate had been exempt as well. Considering she did better than me on one of the tests and our other grades are comparable, I wonder why she wasn't.

I feel sexy in my wild purple jacket from Express.

song playing: Clinic - Hippie Death Suite

12-10-2001 12:39 PM - comments (0)

a cat and two internship

a cat and two internship offers--whew

It's been an unbelievable past couple of days. After I rushed through my child psych test yesterday, I picked up my kitten from the Humane Society. I had to go through a lot of red tape to get him, although I understand that the Humane Society wants to make sure I will be a good owner. The kitten threw up in the Cat Taxi (I suppose my erratic driving could have caused it), but he was extremely well-behaved on the way to my house. I guess I was expecting loud meowing or clawing, but he sat very quietly, only emitting tiny "mews" when I went around corners.

Elliott (that's the name I decided on; thanks for all your suggestions. It was between that and Skeletor, and my mom says Skeletor is too "evil" sounding) is precious. He alternates between being insanely playful and affectionate. He does this thing when I'm lying down that drives me crazy (in a good way)--he nuzzles in between the back of my neck and my hair, kneads my hair and licks it as if I'm his mother. He slept in the bed with me last night and didn't climb all over me unless he knew I was awake. There was a time the wall next to my bed must have been doing something sinister, because Elliott kept flopping in between it and my bed (all 1/4 inch of space) and pawing at it and making this weird sci-fi purr sound. Actually, he makes that sound whenever he's in need of attention.

Today was another crazy day. The Dow Jones Newspaper Fund called me with two offers--copyediting positions in Tucson and Amarillo (the Arizona Daily Star and Amarillo Globe-News). The weird thing is, I had to decide in roughly half an hour; it's highly stressful and people need to know immediately for some reason. I frantically called up my mom and dad, and when I couldn't get hold of either of them, I called my 360 professor, who, although extremely congratulatory, wasn't much help in the decision.

My dad doesn't want me to go. He thinks it's stupid because I'll end up spending what I earn on housing and food. My mom suggested Amarillo, as did the UT professor who phoned me with the offer (a former Metro editor for the Houston Chronicle). The pay is a little less there and it's not as well known of a paper, but the UT professor promised me I'd be able to be more creative and have more responsibility there.

I don't know; I agreed to Amarillo but now I'm worried that I should have picked Tucson. The example I gave to Michael (who was extremely sweet and reassuring about my decision, as he always is) was if he were offered two computer programming positions, one at Microsoft and one at some lesser-known and smaller company. The pay is better at Microsoft and it carries with it an air of prestige, but you wouldn't get to exercise your ability as much there. The other company would be able to give you more experience and more artistic freedom (I'm assuming there's such a thing in computer science). The example helps justify my decision, I think. I also considered that this is not my permanent place of employment. I'm only interning there for the summer. It's simply a stepping stone for a bigger and better job once I graduate.

From what I've heard, once you've worked with the Dow Jones Newspaper Fund, you automatically get five gold stars by your name in the journalism world (Just Shoot Me reference from last night, if anyone cares). It's a huge mistake to turn down their offer, and I know it's the best thing I can do for my career right now. I hope my dad comes to realize this. He really wants me to work for the Chronicle, but I doubt I would be hired there. I promised him I'd apply and back out of this offer if I get the job.

Elliott is so cute. He's just watching me type, waiting for me to play with him. I am so glad I got a cat.

song playing: Perry Como - I'll be Home for Christmas

12-07-2001 12:08 PM - comments (0)

kitten bliss I have one

kitten bliss

I have one thing to say tonight: I am getting a kitten. An adorable, grey striped, wild ball of fur from the Humane Society. And no one can take him away from me.

What should I name him? Some suggestions are: Mr. Mistoffolees, Axl Rose, Shark, James, Rabbit, Senor Gato, Tiger, Dr. Cat and Rhino. Michael and Christie were going a little crazy with the naming-the-kitten-after-other-animals thing. Maybe you could send me a suggestion or tell me if you like any of the current choices.

I might even get him tomorrow...

song playing: Guns 'n Roses - Sweet Child 'O Mine

12-05-2001 7:56 PM - comments (0)

read me seymour My infamous

read me seymour

My infamous Abercrombie and Fitch essay ran in the Student News today. Vox is running my strip club vignette Dec. 14 as its "Last Word" essay and one of the editors (the one who wants to run the vignette) also wants to publish my profile on James Harlan, the MU geography researcher who remapped the Lewis and Clark trail and is being featured in National Geographic this spring. It's too bad they don't pay (MUSN is only giving me $10, but it's better than nothing).

I'm starting to feel like a real writer.

song playing: Elvis Presley - You Were Always on My Mind

12-03-2001 10:53 PM - comments (0)

looks like trouble I can't

looks like trouble

I can't believe that I've seen Life as a House three times and I still want to see it again. I credit this total moment of insanity to Hayden Christensen's presence in the film (girls, you'll understand when you see him, and you guys might question your tendencies briefly) and the superb writing and direction. There are definitely cliched over-the-top moments and run-on metaphors, but it's easily ignored. It's on my list of favorite movies even if the critics universally panned it. I'm allowed to like things even if no one else does, right?

I just barely remembered that I had a conference with my J360 professor over my immersion piece. It was at 12:20, and I woke up with less than an hour to get ready and drive to the J-school. It turns out he thought he had scheduled me for 10:20, so he took me out to lunch, which was a little awkward, but I felt very...professional somehow. That is, until he told me I seriously lacked discipline and focus. I suppose he did preface that cold, hard truth with glorious praise of my great story idea and courage. I also realize he thinks I'm talented. For whatever reason, I wasn't upset to hear it from him. It might be because I respect him or because he believes I have a great career ahead of me. I don't get the impression he told me those things to be mean, but to make me realize that I could be a good writer if I work on myself.

I have concluded that Microsoft Word hates me. I spent more time screwing with formats and tabs and such than I did actually writing my African American Politics project. Poor Will Johnson, the Student News online/news editor. He was there when I was too frustrated to complete a sentence. After I spent over a half hour fixing the weird spacing and indents in my paper, the printer ran out of letter paper. I had to use all of the fax paper because our office so professionally lacks crucial supplies.

I really need to sleep.

song playing: Guster - What You Wish For

12-03-2001 8:22 PM - comments (0)

forever and a day Hello.

forever and a day

Hello. I am back from a sabbatical of homework and shopping and general malaise. I'm not sure why I'm choosing to post tonight of all nights; Michael and I just got back from the Student News. It's 3:02 a.m. and I have an 11 a.m. class. In true Rachel fashion, I am skipping said class to make up on sleep.

Michael and I have been eating out all weekend. We keep saying that we're going to cut down on it because it costs us (well, Michael) an arm and a leg. We started talking about portions and how restaurants sort of go overboard with how much they give you. We decided that more times than not we end up taking food home, so in the future we're just going to split meals. That way, Michael says, I can reach my goal of losing 10 pounds by Jan. 1and he can save money. I don't know; it sounds fishy. I might be getting the short end of the stick here.

I got to choose an item for the list of editors' picks for the Winter Break spread we did in MUSN. Everyone else picked video games or video game systems or George Foreman grills or engagement rings (I don't work with the most normal of people). I honestly thought the BeneFit makeup line was extremely cool, but I was saddened to learn that as I was typing up a summary of the products, I sounded very much like a YM beauty writer. The phrases "ultraglam," "supersoft shaving" and "unbelievable makeup" poured onto the screen. I can just see it now: me with my University of Missouri-Columbia journalism degree marching to the beat of a different drummer. And this drummer really likes to use words like "hottie" and "BFF" and "rents."

Please, Dow Jones Newspaper Fund, rescue me before it's too late.

song playing: Dashboard Confessional - Shirts and Gloves

12-03-2001 1:14 AM - comments (0)