Where the hell did my

Where the hell did my two most recent posts go?

05-28-2004 3:00 PM - comments (0)

I am so bored. Someone

I am so bored. Someone entertain me, because this freelance work, while lucrative, certainly isn't*.

*Entertaining me, to clarify

05-23-2004 4:11 PM - comments (1)

I saw a tile ad

I saw a tile ad on the Yahoo! Oil and Energy news site for the Bush/Cheney campaign. It was a special message from Laura Bush that read:

"Education is my passion. And the President's too."

I guess my education included different rules of punctuation than Laura Bush's.

Also, why can't a first lady stand for more than education? It seems like such a cop-out. I mean, aren't we all for education? Way to have an opinion!

05-23-2004 3:28 PM - comments (1)

So I was in a

So I was in a fantastic mood this morning. Abruptly, I started feeling weird. Sad, angry, basically not how I normally feel. I hate that so often I wear my feelings on my sleeve; I don't want people to know how I feel except for those closest to me.

And the one closest to me is so wonderful when I feel bad. He never tries to make me feel like my feelings are invalid. He doesn't get upset because I can't pinpoint the source of my bad mood. He justs asks me if I would like going to see "Mean Girls" and having dinner at Casa Gallardo. (Two things I would enjoy more than him.)

I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: I have the best boyfriend in the world. And that's enough to start making me feel happy again.

05-21-2004 6:06 PM - comments (0)

maybe you sleep well in your head

I'm convinced there's almost nothing a good night's sleep won't fix. After my daze yesterday (thanks to some sake and four hours of sleep), I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I feel fantastic right now.

And I'm also happy to report that my phase of having boring, realistic dreams (ones that tricked me into thinking events that hadn't happened had) is over. It's back to freaky dreams, in which I share a cab with OutKast, make out with a guy claiming to be Andre 3000 but isn't, find out a white friend of mine is actually Dave Chappelle, attend a party where I get to ride piggyback on a guy all night, roll around in flowers a la The Wizard of Oz, star in a Time-Life CD collection commercial with David Bowie, and make out with other random people that I may or may not know.

Also, I just want to publicly state that my friend Sally has a lot of chutzpah, and I admire her greatly.

05-21-2004 9:09 AM - comments (0)

I get lots of spam

I get lots of spam comments on older posts (always the same ones — I wonder what's so special about those few that they attract Lolita web sites who leave pithy words of wisdom). These comments are nonsensical at worst and fortune cookie-quality at best. But I like the one Silberman David left today:

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'it might have been.'"

After running a Google search on the phrase, I found I was not the only one special enough to have such wisdom bestowed on me. But come on, people, it's a lot better than "unusual ideas make enemies."

UPDATE: I just received another comment from Barzel Tamar that says: "An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger." My thoughts exactly.

05-20-2004 9:04 AM - comments (2)

I received an e-mail with

I received an e-mail with the following subject line today:


It was for a freelance story someone wanted me to run in Savvy Family, presumably about foods that help your bone strength. But all I could think was, "This is why Jen Moeller was so big on hyphenating."

Actually, that's not true. I also thought about if it were possible to, er, bone healthy food choices. All signs point to no.

05-19-2004 2:53 PM - comments (1)

Charlie's latest post is amazing.

Charlie's latest post is amazing. I was really affected by it — it's beautiful and well-written, but it goes far beyond that. I read it three times in a row, trying to figure out the connection I had to it.

I guess what it comes down to is that I feel what Charlie is describing most of the time. We've all felt that crushing pain of being disappointed in others, but it's a million times worse when we let ourselves down. I think in order to just get by in life, we have to create identities for ourselves that don't exactly resemble the truth of who we are. If we focused on every personality defect in ourselves, I think suicide would be an epidemic. So we focus on our physical limitations but treat our personalities — our souls, if you want to get all sappy — like they're untouchable, like they're flawless. We go so far as to take pride in the things that keep us down, those negative quirks or traits that prevent us from becoming truly good people. We go on thinking what we have to about ourselves, not realizing that thinking becomes believing. When those beliefs are challenged, we fall apart.

If there is such thing as good and evil, I doubt I fit into either category. I doubt most people fit. As existentialist as it sounds, and I certainly don't mean to be getting all existentialist right now, I sometimes wonder if I have a soul at all. Some say that my constant worrying about that proves I must have one. Maybe it's just posturing on the part of my homemade identity so I don't have to acknowledge I'm not really a good person. It wouldn't be the first time.

There's another link, though. Charlie mentioned his connection to space. When I look up at the night sky, I, like many people, feel overwhelmed. I try to imagine other galaxies, other planets, other life. I'm left feeling empty and small, which is perhaps how I'm supposed to feel.

Maybe it's my limited intelligence or my fear of something bigger than myself, but I can't let myself think about space for too long. I bring it back to my own little world: my job, my friends, my family, my town. I almost pretend that infinite expanse doesn't exist just so I don't have to think about what it implies.

It feels like I'm choosing a life of ignorance and denial just to be able to wake up in the morning. I worry what that says about me. Or maybe it's just that homemade identity trying to prove something again.

05-19-2004 11:23 AM - comments (0)

Why can I not refrain

Why can I not refrain from doing the ACDC dance when ACDC is on, even when I'm by myself? If only I had Melissa's infamous black newsboy cap...

05-18-2004 10:33 PM - comments (0)

you're one of my kind

An unhealthy mix of "American Idol," soap operas, a "60 Minutes" retropsective of interviews (I loved Lena Horne's interview with Ed Bradley) and Bacardi rum has made me feel invincible on this Tuesday night of Tuesday nights. Oh, and some INXS is thrown in there, too. Except for I found out today Michael Hutchence and his wife had some weirdly named kid. Can't decide if that's good or bad.

But not as weird as Jermaine Jackson's son, Jermajesty. Damn, that's good. Puts Apple Blythe Alison Martin to shame.

I'm rereading "The Hours." What a fantastic book.

"Ballroom Blitz"... I have a sudden desire now to go '80s dancing. Anyone in St. Louis up for such a thing?

She thinks she's the passionate one...

05-18-2004 10:22 PM - comments (0)

The drugs, they say Make

The drugs, they say
Make us feel so hollow
We love in vain
Narcissistic and so shallow
Cops and queers
To swim you have to swallow
Hate today
There’s no love for tomorrow

We’re all stars now in the dope show

There’s lots of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low
And blow your mind

They love you when you’re on all the covers
When you’re not then they love another

The drugs, they say
Are made in California
We love your face
We’d really like to sell you
Cops and queers
Make good-looking models
I hate today
Who will I wake up with tomorrow?

05-17-2004 6:31 PM - comments (4)

I take back what I

I take back what I said about Franz Ferdinand, "Take Me Out" and Michael, as Sara, Amy, possibly Other Rachel and I are going to the Melting Pot tonight, sans boy(s). Anyway, that song really just makes me think of...me.

05-17-2004 6:29 PM - comments (0)

a series of vaguely related thoughts

I used to think my life was pretty drama-free. I'm reconsidering that thought. And I keep thinking, "This is the kind of day that warrants a whiskey, straight up." But that thinking would just create more drama, unfortunately.

Joke of the day: John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

Expression of the day, courtesy of SNL: "I've seen more natural smiles on a pumpkin!"

Weekend with the mom = quite a success. And Sara and Amy were right about the bread pudding at Harvest. To die for.

Whenever I hear Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out," I think of the boy.

Maybe the boy could take me out to...Melting Pot!

I bet the boy is sick of me talking about him in such a public forum.

But he can deal with it. Or what was it we were saying yesterday? Get over it!

Speaking of yesterday, we saw a little boy choking on some pizza at Talayna's. Michael, a former lifeguard, almost had to go over and show off with his CPR skills. After about 30 seconds, the boy was OK, though.

A conversation*
Michael: That was really scary there for a minute. He could have died.
Rachel: Eh, life goes on.
Michael, thinking to himself: Why am I dating this heartless bitch?
Michael: Oh, right. Comic relief. That's it.

*May or may not be verbatim.

05-17-2004 1:54 PM - comments (2)

Cutest. Story. Ever.


05-13-2004 3:10 PM - comments (2)

So of course my vacuum

So of course my vacuum has to break right before my mom's visit. So typical. Then again, it probably would have helped if I hadn't bought my silver "Shark Roadster" just because it looked sexy and had a cool name. (That "AS SEEN ON TV!" label on the box should also have been a giveaway.) So I had to hunch over and pick up little pieces of fuzz (always pink, for some reason) and broken potato chips off the carpet this morning. And I had to lotion Michael's sunburned back. No rest for the weary, I tell you.

I'm excited for my mom's visit -- I can finally give her the Mother's Day gift I picked up for her in Jamaica (an African tanzanite and diamond bracelet; aren't I a good daughter?). And she can finally see St. Louis for the first time, not counting being inside Lambert International. I planned a pretty good itinerary:

• Dinner at my apartment (veal saltimbocca, roasted potatoes and spinach and tomato soup -- a duplicate of what I made for Michael a couple of weeks ago, so I know it will be OK)

• Pedicures at 10
• Shopping at the Galleria until 1 p.m.
• Lunch at Il Vicino around 1:30 p.m. (though we might just eat in the food court)
• Visit to the Journals so she can meet all of my friends and see my impressive cubicle, complete with dusty inflatable palm tree
• More shopping at West County Mall
• Dinner at Stir Crazy

• Cardinals game
• Trip to Gateway Arch after game ends
• Dinner at Harvest

• Lunch at Talayna's
• The music of "Meet Me in St. Louis" performed at the History Museum

I need to work in a trip to the Loop somehow...maybe we can do it on Saturday before the game. I think that's when East Meets West is going on, though.

I just realized probably none of you care about what my mom and I are doing this weekend. All apologies.

05-13-2004 11:58 AM - comments (5)

Last night, I had this

Last night, I had this extreme desire to eat outside. So I checked saucecafe.com, a Web site devoted to St. Louis restaurants that Sara told me about, and decided on Mirasol, a new tapas place on Delmar. Outdoor dining, open on Mondays, Spanish food, sounded great. Michael was even game. (Although he did say, "How east of Skinker is this place?" which was funny, because yesterday morning Fox 2 News was interviewing Joe Edwards about all the development east of Skinker, and one of the anchors closed the report by saying, "That area is scary" and then quickly added, "but it's getting better.")

Yeah, Mirasol was closed. The Web sites of Sauce Cafe and the restaurant itself lied. I really hate that. If I have potentially hundreds of choices for eating out on any given night, why would I ever go back there when other restaurants' Web sites aren't misleading? I am not, as some people might think, a blind consumer. I know it sounds nit-picky, but if I'm going to spend $40 on a meal, I want the entire experience to be least, I don't know, eight times better than if I went to Taco Bell for a $5 meal of chalupas and a Diet Pepsi. (That includes how well the restaurant is run.) Isn't that the point? A business has to work for my money, just like I do.

But anyway, we "rolled with the punches," as Michael said. He says a lot that because I don't really roll with the punches when I find restaurants that claimed to be open are really closed. (It happens a lot more than you'd think.) I rolled with them last night. We drove through Clayton and decided on Figaro, where we were seated at a tiny, but wonderful, table outside. The temperature was heavenly. The food (garlic gnocchi with proscuitto for me; mozzarella/fontina, bacon and onion pizza for him) was great. The conversation was wonderful. Mario C., our waiter, liked to keep it clean. As we were leaving, I tried to pick this huge purple flower that looked like cotton candy, but Michael told me not to. So I picked off one tiny little blossom and then hated it and threw it on the ground and stomped on it. But I still considered myself to have rolled with the punches.

05-11-2004 10:14 AM - comments (5)

I went to high school

I went to high school with a very smart girl who ended up valedictorian, went to an Ivy League school, took the MCATs her sophomore year and is probably done with med school by now. (Also, she was, and probably still is, a really nice person.)

But the detail I will always remember about this girl is that one time during Gifted & Talented English she pronounced "F. Scott Fitzgerald" with the emphasis on the "Fitz." Like FITZger-ald. And she misprounced the "gerald" part too; instead of saying it the way you'd say the man's first name, she said "ger-ALD." So I guess it was like Fitzger Ald.

And while I am not an Ivy League grad with an M.D., I don't want to be remembered for misprouncing the following words:

• Ornery
• Ogle

I say "ornery" phonetically, and I pronounce "ogle" "oh-gle." Many other people say "awnery" (which seems very Southern to me, like saying "cuss" instead of "curse" or "hoss" instead of "horse") and "awgle." The dictionary is no help to me, as it indicates both pronunciations are acceptable. I don't want to be acceptable; I want to be right. Help!

05-10-2004 11:04 AM - comments (6)

I had a great time

I had a great time at my party last night. We had a long discussion about the Harry Potter books, and Keiko made this discovery:

I believe Harry Potter is going to turn out just like "Star Wars."

-Harry = Luke

-Lord Voldemort = Lord Vader (Luke's real father)

-Hermione = Luke's sister, Princess Leia (who was adopted, as I believe Hermione was by her muggle parents)

-Ron= Han Solo

-Harry's evil aunt/uncle = Luke's good aunt/uncle

-Dumbledore = Obi Wan Kenobi or possibly the emperor (that would be a nice little twist -- to find out that Dumbledore has been bad this whole time)

-The Order of the Phoenix = The Rebels

-Will be revealed soon = Lando Calrissian, the Rebel who betrayed Han

But anyway, I predict that Harry and Hermione will be revealed to be brother and sister. The prophecy that either Harry or Voldemort must die is similar to the ongoing feud between Luke and Darth Vader (who in "Star Wars" was believed to have killed Luke's father, which is true in a metaphorical way). And "Ron" rhymes with "Han."

I know you all think I'm crazy for believing the police chief in "Inspector Gadget" is really Dr. Claw -- and yes, I still passionately believe that. But seriously, everyone, I think I'm on to something with this. (With the sheer number of people who read these books, I'm sure I'm not the first to have thought of this.)

05-08-2004 12:40 PM - comments (8)

I need to ask the

I need to ask the boys at negative273 how I can once again add/change/remove links and update the other sections (the Currently section is now just pathetically ironic). For now, here are some of my favorite bloggers (and former Mizzou J-school people) that I will be adding to the links page soon:

Political watchdog and grammar geek. I think of Amy as being a left-brained liberal arts person, if that makes any sense. Wait...she's a sexy pragmatist! That's it!

Funny, sarcastic reality television watchdog, but with a lot of soul. Good stuff. I think if we knew each other in real life, we'd be great friends.

I feel like his brain is teetering between brilliance and salacity, which is a great thing. As everyone already knows, I had a crush on him when we were freshmen. Or maybe the crush was on our Political Science 11 TA, Joon Bum Lee. (That spelling is questionable. What's not questionable is the time said TA wrote the word "semen" on the board instead of "seed.")

05-07-2004 5:04 PM - comments (4)

I'm a sucker for season

I'm a sucker for season finales. Best one ever is still the finale of the first season of "Dawson's Creek" -- Joey and Dawson finally kissing was just magical. Even if she was meant to be with Pacey. Still. Totally magical. It honestly still gives me chills. Anyway, "The O.C.", a seriously wonderful show that really shouldn't be compared to such drivel as "Beverly Hills 90210", had such a great ending tonight that now I feel all empty inside. I guess that's what good TV should do to you, right? (And I have good taste, so please don't hold this against me.)

But it was definitely using Jeff Buckley's interpretation of "Hallelujah" that got to me. That song makes me cry no matter what's going on in my life; tonight was no exception. That's the edge "The O.C." has on "Dawson's Creek" -- the music is a million times better (even if I would take Pacey over Seth in a heartbeat).

Oh, it's good that I'm by myself right now. Sometimes I hate being a girl.

05-05-2004 9:09 PM - comments (6)

Keiko wasn't even involved! Michael

Keiko wasn't even involved!

Michael (talking to Elliott): You have green eyes. But they're not as pretty as your mom's.

Rachel: Um, yeah, my eyes aren't green.

Michael (still to Elliott): She has blue eyes, like the ocean.

Rachel: Brown. They're brown.

Michael: Oh, right.

(He's so cute.)

05-04-2004 6:54 PM - comments (4)

Hold me will I ever

Hold me will I ever be free
from this crippling anxiety?
As I wait for it to finish it will slowly just diminish
'Til it's good enough to leave me be

Hold me never let me go
There's a thousand things I want you to know
Hold me when confusion reigns
As it soaks me to the bone again

These feelings I'm feeling are here for one reason
What reason
Our reasons are the same

Hold me 'cause this life is a dream
The most beautiful emotive scene
And I couldn't help but laugh when you took the other half
Because you're punishing your self-esteem

Hold me 'cause I'm asking you to
And it's not something I would normally do
If you need another reason it's 'cause summer is the season
That I make my annual pass at you

Hold me, never let me go
There's a thousand things I want you to know

--Deckard, "What Reason"

05-04-2004 6:43 PM - comments (0)


I just ordered three copies of Lynn Truss' "Eats, Shoots and Leaves." Perfect for a neurotic copy editor such as me. The two extra copies will be given away in an upcoming Ouranophobe contest.

But not everyone is a fan of Truss'. This jerk says we shouldn't have been upset over the improper punctuation in "Two Weeks Notice." He says "CD's" shouldn't fill us with rage. And then he goes and says this:

"Poor punctuation is not limited to those who lack education or language ability. People with master's degrees in English still sometimes confuse 'its' and 'it's,' which should remind us that the rules of punctuation can be as hard to remember as the Pythagorean theorem."



What the hell is wrong with people? Language and opposable thumbs are all we have to separate ourselves from the beasts!

05-04-2004 1:39 PM - comments (8)

It seems as if Friday

It seems as if Friday might be better for a party because of Mother's Day. What does everyone think?

05-03-2004 9:39 PM - comments (2)

The new Britney Spears video

The new Britney Spears video (for "Everytime," a song I have admitted to liking on this site) is poorly directed, but it's an interesting concept. The end is a total sell-out, though. It's so cliched to end with the whole "it was all a dream" thing, but I guess they were pressured by MTV and anti-suicide people (wait, shouldn't that be everybody?) to let her live. I mean in the video, of course. Also, was that Stephen Dorff I saw?

I still maintain the song is fantastic, but it would be even better if A) it were sung by someone other than Britney and B) it didn't include the line "and this song is my sorry."

"Sorry" is not a noun. And "apology" is not that difficult of a word for the average person to understand. I'm planning a post on lazy songwriting for sometime this week. I’m apology for not doing it now. (See, don't dumb people sound better than the rest of us when they misuse words?)

05-03-2004 6:20 PM - comments (6)

Would anybody be up for

Would anybody be up for a party next Saturday (May 8)? I'm thinking of having another one, but I want to make sure at least a dozen people would come. Hopefully more.

Per usual, I'll supply good liquor, good music and, in a new twist, drunken Cranium, or at the very least, drunken Truth or Dare.

Side note (and yes, I know, I talk about music in a thinly veiled attempt to avoid actually writing things of importance): I've never been a big fan of the Dave Matthews Band, but "Crush" is a very, very good song.

05-02-2004 8:56 PM - comments (4)

Delightful weekend. Michael and I

Delightful weekend. Michael and I drove to Columbia and saw his little sister's play (she was great), and then I went to spend some quality time with Christie, and he stayed with his family. I spent the next day shopping and watching Rap City on B.E.T. (I HAVE to get the new Dilated Peoples album, btw) while Christie was at work. My drinking buddy/her boyfriend, Nas, joined us for lunch. A few short hours later Michael and I had a yummy dinner at Shakespeare's.

Two-hour car rides are nice when there's someone to talk to. Very nice.

Then we came home, where I made screwdrivers (using kiwi mango juice -- definitely better than plain orange), modeled my new clothes for Michael and watched a very funny Saturday Night Live (scenes where the cast loses it are always my favorites, and Usher was simply amazing). And I was the obliging girlfriend and gave him a back rub because he had been bricklaying all day. Yes, that's right, my boyfriend was laying brick.

All I can say is, mmmm.

And also, I love this Minus the Bear song:

All the boys are begging for her,
reaching long to grab her clothes
to pull her in every direction
and throw some game that won't win.

This girl, she's looking at me
A glance over, then down at her drink.
I think she's got the right idea,
I think she's got the right idea.

"You come with me; we should leave,
there's nothing interesting in this joint.
You pull stares from this whole crew,
and you act like you never even knew."

We move out to the street
It's raining hard, coming down in sheets.
She takes my hands, pulls hard
and then we make the dash to her car.
I think she's got the right idea,
I think she's got the right idea.

"We're not going anywhere,"
she said. "We'll just stay here.
You come with me, we won't leave;
I'll show you something interesting."

Her hair streaked her shirt with rain,
and that did something to me.

05-02-2004 6:30 PM - comments (0)