What in Tarnation?

Post-Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan is way too folksy for my taste. I don't think he's a particularly good writer, and his topics never really interest me. He relies too heavily on down-home ethics ("Now, I'm no city slicker" and "That's just the way we do things here") and backwoods logic. I believe his column today is evidence of such logic. Plus, he looks like the long-lost uncle of the Waltons in his mugshot, further proving my point.

Football players and bullies are liberals? Cheerleaders are conservatives? What the hell is he talking about?

01-31-2005 11:22 AM - comments (1)

Wondering What It All Means.

Lee Enterprises bought Pulitzer Inc. last night.

01-31-2005 7:34 AM - comments (0)

I Know You Were Waiting Anxiously.

I added photos to my Yahoo! album tonight, from my recent martini birthday party and just some random ones. They're in the "24th Birthday Party" and "New Pictures" folders.

More to come, because I am now obsessed with my new Coolpix.

01-27-2005 7:04 PM - comments (1)

Getting Lost.

They say it fades if you let it,
love was made to forget it.
I carved your name across my eyelids,
you pray for rain; I pray for blindness.

If you still want me, please forgive me,
the crown of love has fallen from me.
If you still want me, please forgive me,
because your hands are not upon me.

I didn't make a best albums of 2004 list, but if I had, Arcade Fire's "Funeral" would be somewhere near the top. I had my doubts about it — kind of worried about it being inaccessible to my limited taste — but I was proved wrong.

My question for those who've heard "Funeral" is, who does the lead singer sound like to you? I hear bits and pieces of Bright Eyes ["Neighborhood #4 (7 Kettles)"], Modest Mouse ["Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)"] and Joy Division ("Wake Up"). But there are countless others I can't put my finger on.

01-25-2005 2:26 PM - comments (1)

I'm Not Sure a Glass Pineapple is Practical.

You know, I liked it better when hypocritical, uppity Christian groups blasted things like violent video games. Questioning SpongeBob SquarePants' sexual orientation seems like the last resort of a group that has finally realized it has absolutely no control over popular culture. (That, or maybe I took Tom Junod's latest piece of pretension in Esquire too seriously.)

Also, there are a couple of really disgusting headers I could have written for this particular post that involve Mr. SquarePants, but I'll refrain.

01-21-2005 10:47 AM - comments (0)

Plus, Everyone Looks Good in Black.

In lieu of staging a protest, some of my co-workers and I will be wearing black wristbands or all black tomorrow for Bush's (freaking extravagant) inauguration tomorrow. I know it's not going to change anything, but it's our little way of making a statement. I encourage my progressive readers to do the same.

01-19-2005 9:07 AM - comments (4)

'Cause Everybody Wants Everybody Else.

I had the strangest dream last night. A guy I was sort of friends with in college (whom I had a crush on, but he never knew) had made me this book. He had taken photos of me, written me letters and stories and attached movie and concert ticket stubs we had each been to to the pages. He shyly showed me the book and finally admitted he had been in love with me the entire time he had known me.

The weirdest thing about it was how real it seemed.

01-18-2005 11:05 AM - comments (7)

In Real Time!

Is Glenn Close wearing the 102nd dalmation tonight or what?

Update: I don't care what anyone says, Teri Hatcher is utterly charming.

01-16-2005 8:18 PM - comments (2)

Chase, You Picked a Bad Time To Boycott Reality TV.

OK, I now have a new favorite show — "The Surreal Life." I watched the first two episodes of the new season last night, and I haven't laughed that hard at a TV show in quite a while. From Chyna Doll taking Verne Troyer's, aka Mini Me's, room and acting like she had no idea why she should have thought it was his (the mini alcohol bottles were the best) to the guy who played Peter Brady having to put Verne to bed to Da Brat acting like she had entered the Twilight Zone, it was way better than the previous two seasons.

I'm looking forward to seeing what happens with their kung fu movie.

01-13-2005 1:38 PM - comments (1)

A Paltry Glimpse, But What Can You Do?

FOUR NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Rachel
2. Rach
3. RLO Speedwagon (don't ask)
4. Various sickeningly sweet/silly nicknames from Michael

FOUR SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. PrincessKashmir6
2. Buccirella
3. red cherry bomb
4. I'm sure there were others...

FOUR THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My sense of humor
2. My writing, at times
3. My eyes
4. My general body shape

FOUR THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Around certain people, I morph into the person they perceive me to be. If someone sees me as condescending or pretentious, I fall into that role. If someone thinks I'm ditzy and juvenile, I become that as well. So I can be silly, arrogant, rebellious, ridiculously talkative, wild, sexy, slutty or reserved, depending on the company I keep. I hate that I can never just be myself around most people
2. When I get frustrated, I get really frustrated. I feel like a fever
develops, and I start freaking out that what I want I can't find/have.
3. I am horrible at keeping in touch with people I care about
4. I am really bad with money

FOUR PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Polish
2. German
3. American (since the American Revolution)
4. Probably English/Welsh

FOUR THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. People I know dying in car accidents
2. Anything to do with the heart (heart surgery, heart massage, etc.)
3. Republicans
4. Spiders

FOUR OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Biolage shampoo/conditioner
2. Perfume of some kind (Pure Poison, Amarige, Rush, Addict, Chance or Pleasures)
3. Lotion (in the winter, Clinique Body Butter; in the summer, lots of different kinds, mainly Night-Blooming Jasmine by Bath and Body Works)
4. Makeup (mascara, powder, lipstick and eyeliner)

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Express black Publicist pants
2. Forever 21 black and white pinstriped short-sleevedbutton-up shirt with cap sleeves
3. Gianni Bini black suede Mary Jane flats
4. Old Navy zebra print panties

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (of all time):
1. The Smashing Pumpkins
2. Garbage
3. Pearl Jam
4. Weezer

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (of all time):
1. "Age of Innocence"/"Soma"/"Thru the Eyes of Ruby" - The Smashing Pumpkins
2. "Black" - Pearl Jam
3. "Wounded"/"Deep Inside of You" - Third Eye Blind
4. "Every Shining Time You Arrive" - Sunny Day Real Estate

(I will add the rest later. I really don't like this category. Who only has four favorite songs?)

FOUR NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Run a mini-marathon
2. Lose 5-10 more pounds
3. Sushi (really try to enjoy it this time)
4. Learn how to cook gourmet cuisine

FOUR THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
1. Friendship
2. Passion
3. Stability
4. Fun

THREE TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
1. I developed a friendship with French film producer Jean-Louis Piel ("Birth," "Chinese Box," 'The Pillow Book") during my freshman year at college
2. I once broke it off with a guy because I didn't like the way he shifted gears while driving.
3. My great-great-great-grand-uncle (or grandfather, but I always
forget which) is Walt Whitman, "the gayest man in America," as a former
English teacher said in class one day
4. I have been ordained a minister over the Internet

FOUR THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (or same) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Intelligence/good taste in music (which I believe are linked). The deal-breaker
2. Sense of humor. Specifically, my sense of humor
3. Physical strength. Like being able to pick me up and carry me around
and such without complaining. And being able to wrestle with me and
win
4. Je ne sais quoi. That magnetic thing that two people share, even if they have no idea what specifically it is that is attracting them to each other. That feeling of electricity when you're close to one another but not quite touching — sparks flying and all

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading
2. Watching TV/listening to music/watching movies
3. Writing
4. Spending time with Michael/friends

FOUR THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Eat a Steak 'n Shake double cheeseburger
2. Get my finances in order
3. Shop
4. Sleep

FOUR CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Editor of Soap Opera Digest/department editor for "Guiding Light"
2. Professor of English or journalism
3. Philanthropist
4. What I'm doing right now should probably make the list

FOUR PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Italy/Greece
2. Spain
3. Tahiti/Fiji/somewhere tropical (Michael and I are going to Mexico this year!)
4. Japan

FOUR GIRLS' NAMES:
1. Olivia
2. Alexandra
3. Carly
4. Anna

FOUR BOYS' NAMES:
1. Sebastian
2. James
3. Gabriel
4. Liam

FOUR THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Get married
2. Have children
3. Make a lot of money
4. Travel the world

FOUR WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY
1. I can drink most people under the table. Or over, for that matter. And I curse like a sailor
2. I love sports, especially baseball
3. I like talking about sex
4. I like hard rock

FOUR WAYS I AM STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK
1. I can be very emotional and motherly
2. I like "Dawson's Creek"/soap operas
3. I like getting pedicures and such
4. I am an avid shopper

TEN CELEBRITIES I'D TOTALLY DO (in no particular order)
1. Jake Gyllenhaal
2. Hayden Christensen
3. Joshua Jackson
4. Maynard James Keenan
5. Josh Duhamel
6. Taye Diggs
7. Adam Brody
8. Clive Owen (this is a recent development)
9. Tom Pelphrey (a very hot soap actor)
10. Angelina Jolie

FOUR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Chase
2. Kristin
3. You
4. And you over there

01-12-2005 11:31 AM - comments (5)

Denny Crain. Denny Crain.

Between Denny's constant talking of himself in the third person to Alan's weird sexiness, "Boston Legal" is such a great hour of television. And despite being a bastard, it's outperforming its parents ("Ally McBeal" and "The Practice"). Quite nicely, in fact.

Paraphrased dialogue from last night's episode:

Shirley: Are you still attracted to me?
Denny: No, I no longer have a wrinkle fetish.

Denny: You left me. For a secretary!
Shirley: Denny, it was the Secretary of Defense.

I wish I had a better memory. Boys are so much better at this stuff, aggravatingly.

Michael and I started watching "Twin Peaks" the other night after we made tacos. I vaguely remember watching "Fire Walk With Me" with Chase and Kaity. When I saw the Log Lady in the first episode, I thought longingly of Chase, who I know appreciates that sort of thing.

01-10-2005 9:37 PM - comments (1)

Close My Eyes Just to Look at You.

I made a CD for Michael yesterday. It's always more difficult to make CDs for people you know and respect, so I wrestled for a while with the track selections. I needed something that would make me think of him when I listened to it, but also that was sort of "us," if that makes sense. It also needed to be fairly dark, which is the mood I've been in recently. Here's what I came up with:

"Life In Mono" - Mono
"Let Go" - Frou Frou
"Sour Times" - Portishead
"Wide Open Space" - Mansun
"Gramarye" - Remy Zero
"Women We Haven't Met Yet" - Minus the Bear
"How To Disappear Completely" - Radiohead
"All is Full of Love" - Bjork
"fashionably uninvited" - mellowdrone
"Whenever You See Fit" - ModestMouse/764-HERO
"Blue (Remix)" - A Perfect Circle
"Inertia Creeps" - Massive Attack
"Angel" - Massive Attack
"You" - VAST

It ended up very hot. (Maybe I shouldn't be surprised, given the subject matter.) I'd be very happy to make copies of it for anyone who's interested.* Or I can surprise you with a entirely different set of songs. Just let me know, and I'll drop it in the mail.

What tracks would be on yours and/or your significant other's?

*Honestly, I think it's worth it for the mellowdrone track alone.

01-06-2005 9:17 PM - comments (2)

It's Awful Being Lawful.

I am now the proud owner of the following items from Missouri:

• an inspection sticker
• an emission sticker
• a property tax waiver
• a driver's license
• license plates and tags

And it only cost me $125, hours upon hours trying to decipher the Kryptos that is the Missouri Department of Revenue website, lots of whiny calls to my mom and some good old-fashioned lying on a car title and some creative math on an affidavit. Small price to pay to now be able to understand the joys of paying personal property tax every year (a weird Missouri thing, right?) and having to razor up my stickers so thieves are forced to go to the car next to mine for their registration fix.

01-05-2005 1:56 PM - comments (0)

Strobe Lights/Blown Speakers/Fireworks/Hurricanes.

I wake up feeling like everything I desire is possible, and I fall asleep feeling something much different.

I dreamt of tsunamis and disease last night. I was submerged and then floating alongside headless corpses, struggling for air and sanity. People's voices rose and fell as I was swept away, giving in and letting go. Their feverish screams were maniacal, desperately needing something I couldn't or wouldn't give. My skin was turning black and red sores dotted my arms, and I knew there was no hope for any of us.

I wonder what tonight has in store for me.

01-04-2005 9:33 PM - comments (0)

I'm No Mortician, But It's Been A While.

Um, hi. Sorry about that little hiatus — I wish I had a better excuse, but I've been busy with Secret Santa and luncheons and going home to Texas and Christmas and presents and martinis and pool and family and friends and the new magazine coming out and more luncheons and my birthday.

The highlights:

• My Kentucky Derby Pie was a relative success during the second luncheon (the new projects/credit people). And I found out my Secret Santa was Jacque, but I already kind of knew that. A $20 gift card to Panera — who else would be that cool?

• My parents' home in Texas is the same but so different. Let's see: a brand-new 55-inch flat-screen TV downstairs, soft carpet (the kind you can dig your toes into) in the game room, along with a new convertible poker/chess table and a billiards table. Let's just say that despite my suckiness at pool, it's pretty addictive.

• Drinks with Christie, which one of my ex-boyfriends so kindly joined us for. He proceeded to talk about his upcoming wedding (to DEB, and don't ask why it's in all caps. OK, fine, I'll tell you. It looks funnier that way, doesn't it? It's just that kind of one-syllable thing. DEB. End of story, you know?) the entire time, and then when I asked when I'd finally get a chance to meet her, he informed me I could do so at a date after the wedding. Nice, huh? Guess I'll have one less person to have to invite to my own nuptials.

• Seeing Jen, Tiff and Doug at the Fox and the Hound (sadly not as British as it sounds — where are the gigantic turkey legs? Where are the massive steins of beer? I demand those things exist in a pub) and discussing filmmaking and neuroscience over drinks. I miss those kids so much.

• Snow on Christmas Eve. Yes, we got more precipitation of the freezing variety than everyone back in St. Louis. Of course, it wasn't really snow because it didn't really stick, but that's OK.

• Real Mexican food at Eva's/Taco Cabana and my mom's newest addition to her annual Christmas cookie offering (oatmeal chocolate chip cookies with three different kinds of chocolate chips and cranberries). The diet was, as expected, completely screwed for about a week, and I now vaguely resemble a cheese enchilada. But I still smell like some Victoria's Secret perfume. (Wait, I don't? Well, at least have the decency to tell me it's caramelized onions and not, like, guacamole or refried beans...You bitch! This friendship's over.)

• Me getting sick. Oh, wait. I'm still sick, going on two weeks. And that's not exactly a highlight. Never mind.

• Christmas/my birthday (which we celebrated on the 26th because I was leaving that day). I got a Nikon Coolpix 2200 (and the four billion accessories that go with it), a cooking lesson at the Viking Culinary Arts Center (I'm debating between the French, Italian and Thai classes), gift cards, more Amarige (ran out sometime in 2002), "Dawson's Creek" Seasons 3-4, the first half of the sixth season of "Sex and the City," the Criterion Collection edition of "Rushmore," the whole shebang of "Twin Peaks" (I think I finally used "shebang" correctly! I didn't? Dammit, that's a hard one), a new wallet, lots of jewelry from my aunt and a very intense facial kit, a really nice new watch, various kitchen/cooking supplies, CDs, fuzzy socks, some more Benefit makeup (wonderful stuff, especially The Glosses and Maybe Baby lotion) and a bunch of other neat things given to me by neat people who have a really good sense for my taste.

• The new magazine came out last week. It's really pretty nice and a huge improvement over the last one. If anyone wants one — hey, we all get married eventually, right? — e-mail me. You can point and laugh at my one lobster-red leg in the staff photo.

• Michael took me to The Melting Pot the night before my birthday (the New Year's Eve special was even more ridiculously expensive than the restaurant normally is). I had the largest martini in the world, which I've found to be a much more efficient way to drink than the handful of whiskey and colas I had been drinking in the past. And tastier. The entire meal was perfect, even if we didn't have room for dessert.

• On the way home that night, we drove by all the big houses on Lindell, and we noticed the big scary one on the corner of Skinker was being renovated.

Rachel: Look, the morticians are fixing up that mausoleum house.
Michael: You do know that morticians don't build mausoleums, right? And that no one really lives in mausoleums?

Michael insisted upon beginning his next few sentences with "I'm no mortician, but..." Funny guy, that boy of mine.

• My birthday morning was spent sleeping on Michael's couch because I didn't want to keep him up with my insane coughing. We had breakfast/lunch at IHOP — their harvest grain and nut pancakes are worth the price of admission.

• Then we went to the mall, where I couldn't find anything I wanted, which is always the case when I actually have money. I searched and searched through that whole Laundry/BCBG/Buffalo section they have going on in Dillard's, and nothing. I finally settled on some black Publicist pants from Express (the best black pants ever, if you ask me) and some knee-high black boots that actually fit my apparently gigantic calves. Michael wanted to go in the candy store for some reason, and I kept trying to tell him I didn't need any more Jelly Bellys, and he kept acting like he was interested in the other candy there. I kept trying to drag him out until his eyes lit up — actually, both of ours did. There, on the top shelf were Mini Burgers, Mini Fries, Mini Pizzas, Mini Hot Dogs and NEW Mini Spicy Tacos (all gummy). He just kept grabbing more and more and I am afraid I am addicted to fast gummy food. Then he insisted on getting me a huge mocha chiller thing with a huge pile of whipped cream at Gloria Jean's. And popcorn when we were seeing "The Life Aquatic" later that night. And Steak 'n Shake, which I hadn't had in six months. Mmmm.

• Later that night, he had to keep convincing me to stay up until midnight, and even the promise of pink champagne barely kept me up. I guess 24 is when one officially becomes old. Or maybe it was that I was still really sick.

• I did my spring cleaning or what have you on Jan. 1-2. After a momentous $100 trip to Wal-Mart, I cleaned out all of my closets, organized my kitchen, organized my DVDs and video games in a handy new rack and threw away about 10 bags of trash. Yet my apartment looks almost exactly the same. Eek.

• Somewhere woven into all of that mess, I've been figuring out how to register my car in Missouri. This might require a separate post. Suffice it to say it's a lengthy, horrible, disgusting process and I got rained on while searching for City Hall for a half hour and somehow ended up in the correctional facility.

• And now we find ourselves in the present-day, where I am learning how to write compelling press releases for work, listening to Elliott Smith's sort-of new album, reading Paul Krugman's latest column on Social Security and trying to figure out how I can stay afloat financially this year. All at once. (One of my resolutions was to learn to effectively multi-task. It's taking a toll on my emotional state; for example, right now I am alternately bored, sad, intrigued and depressed.)

01-04-2005 3:51 PM - comments (3)