"I've Been Around a Few."

1. iTunes encouraged me to download "Dani California" tonight. Not so bad. I was nervous about the second Cali reference by the Chili Peppers, but I like it. The first was '99 -- Californication's "Scar Tissue." As I drove to graduation rehearsal, I remember thinking it would be an important song.

2. Pearl Jam's new singles are not so bad.

3. I'll marry Karen O after "Gold Lion." I've been listening to it nonstop for the past three weeks. God, that is such a Rachel song. Maybe Michael and I should move to Utah?

4. I refrigerated a box of Kashi by accident this morning. That's about right.

5. Re: No. 5: I'm getting skinny. Well, in seven pounds. OK, I'll never be skinny. This is acceptable, no?

6. Michael has pity and won't dispense it for fear of upsetting the pitied. I lack pity and dispense it in hope of upsetting the pathetic. I still have so much to learn from him.

7. I have some serious vacation coming my way, April 13-21. I'm gonna waste it in the best way possible: reading books I heard about on "Fresh Air" (and more Elizabeth George Scotland Yard mysteries, of course) and playing Final Fantasy and Mega Man 2. (Those cute one-up heads are the best.)

8. I want to marry Logan Echolls. Utah, Michael, darling? We'll invite Veronica.

9. I was always meant for deep pinks and purples. Begonias, hydrangeas, the like. I've been camera-phoning the merlot tulips in the SLU and the pink begonias in Dierberg's and have been receiving the stares you might expect.

10. I first heard Aqualung on no other than "Guiding Light." I honestly believed it was the Strokes. It was "Breaking my Heart" from their "Strange and Beautiful" album, and though I'm not often swayed by soap opera scores, that was one. good. song. I should have believed Dave from the start.

11. Mogwai's new album is great to softly fall sleep to. Wilco's "Jesus Etc." is great to dance to. (I can totally see Kristin and Justin in HEB. It's lovely. It reminds me of Michael and me with anything involving Damon Albarn.)

12. Very seriously, though we will dance to "First Day of My Life," I will always be in love with the following bittersweet songs: "Stand Inside Your Love," "Tonight, Tonight," "Inside of Love" (Nada Surf) and "Head Over Heels," which, mark my words, will be played as we walk into the reception. Awesome.

14. Please download "Stand Inside Your Love" if you haven't heard it. The lyrics have been redefined for me. As a naive college freshman traipsing through snow to evening pre-journalism classes, they were unbelievably sad and wholly unrealistic, making my doe-eyed crush on an untouchable even worse by fanning the flames of dangerous optimism. As a time-tested 25-year-old with the crush worth waiting for, they finally feel right on time. Makes you wonder what all the passionate 18-year-old fuss is about, huh?

04-11-2006 9:45 PM - comments (2)

Out of Necessity, I'm a Miranda.

Thanks goodness for Clare, who is able to say what most "Sex and the City" fans probably have thought all along but have been too afraid to admit: Carrie Bradshaw sucks.

Who could forget the suspenders and cherry-print shirt she wore the day she began jury duty? How about the ubitiquous leggings? The fur coat-mini skirt look? The glorious pantsuits? The '70s hotpants? The hat, which Berger happened to be right about? The tutu, during the opening credits? To be fair, she did pull off quite a few outfits that would look ghastly on anyone else (remember the tabloid gown, maybe a Dior, that I think she wore when Big told her he was marrying Natasha?), but her failure rate was far too high to justify those few miraculous successes. Her shoes, however, were always fabulous, and I generally liked her hair (especially in Season 5, when it was short), except when there were huge flowers sticking out of it.

I think if her personality had been more pleasant, I could have forgiven the fashion and even grown to like it. But she was so selfish, so spoiled and so ungrateful for everything good in her life. First she dumps Aidan, a man who mysteriously loved her for who she was, for Big, an admittedly charming man who was only kind to her when it suited him. She was horrible to Miranda when she was simply looking out for her; if I had a friend like Carrie who kept going back to a destructive relationship -- and who would demand my pity when it invariably fell apart -- I'd tell her she was being ridiculous, too.

Then there was the episode when she had to buy her apartment or be evicted. She realized she couldn't afford to do so because she had spent $40,000 on shoes. The fact that she guilted Charlotte into giving her the money from her engagement ring (and had the nerve to question Charlotte's right to the money from the divorce), coupled with the fact that she just couldn't take Big's money is utterly reflective of who she was at her core: whiny, needy and self-absorbed. She was also such a damn girl, as Clare pointed out: scared of squirrels, obnoxious about Aidan's cabin, grossed out by his fried chicken and constantly insecure about every relationship she was in. Also, what kind of freelance writer gets $4 a word at Vogue?

(I won't criticize her punniness; that was the one innocent, guileless part of her persona, even if it was truly annoying.)

Anyway, believe it or not, now I'm in the mood to watch all six seasons for the 400th time. Carrie might be insufferable, but, much like Bill O'Reilly, she's always entertaining.

04-10-2006 11:20 AM - comments (3)

"To Prove They Loved Each Other A Long Time Ago."

I finally uploaded all of the photos from our terrific, not-so-new-anymore Nikon. Check out the Flickr sets of:

-Our apartment search (I only uploaded the photos of the apartment we ended up choosing, so the title is slightly misleading)
-Halloween (I was a bee and Michael was Spider-man, and our friends were awesome)
-Christmas (our first tree!)
-The proposal (complete with lots of self-portraits by the turtles)
-The engagement party (complete with super-sexy Sally action)

And please keep in mind I'm determined to shed some weight in the coming months. If wanting to look good in my gown wasn't enough, looking at these photos over and over is!

04-09-2006 9:29 PM - comments (0)


I may not work for the Suburban Journals anymore, but I have to admit that I read Sound Off online every week, usually in the hopes of finding a gem like this:

"I'm sick and tired of all these Red Cross blood drives. If poor people want blood, they should get jobs."

I love America's lower-middle class. Such disdain for the working poor and such admiration for the thieving wealthy. It makes you wonder when these people are going to realize they're only an income-tax bracket away from needing the same "handouts" (like blood transfusions, I suppose) as do the poor people they hate so much. I wonder if they'd take responsibility should their luck -- er, hard work -- suddenly go south or if they'd blame their troubles on outsourcing or illegal immigration or terrorism or atheism or "liberal Democrats."

I'm eager for the real Christian revolution, the one that's going to bring tolerance, forgiveness and compassion for the Americans who need it the most. Am I asking too much?

04-07-2006 1:46 PM - comments (0)

Magic Shuffle.

Stolen from Amy.

How does the world see you?
"Battle of Who Could Care Less" -- Ben Folds Five
Hey now, that's not entirely fair. I kind of care.

Will I have a happy life?
"The Girl from Ipanema" -- Stan Getz/Astrud Gilberto
I always imagine my cat on the beach meeting girl cats wearing bikinis when I hear this song. Is my little boy all grown up?

What do my friends really think of me?
"I'm Your Villian" -- Franz Ferdinand
Wow. Truly awesome.

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Hands Clean" -- Alanis Morrisette
I'll take that as a yes, but reluctantly so.

How can I make myself happy?
"Stay Fly" -- Three 6 Mafia
The explicit version? Well, if you insist.

What should I do with my life?
"Don't Stop Believin'" -- Journey.
Thanks, Tony Robbins.

Will I ever have children?
"Modern Love" -- David Bowie
Adoption, Brangelina-style?

What is some good advice for me?
"Ruled by Secrecy" -- Muse

How will I be remembered?
"Friend of the Night" -- Mogwai
Why does everyonethink I'm a prostitute?

What is my signature dancing song?
"Ladies' Night" -- Jon Lovitz from "The Wedding Singer"
That's about right.

What do I think my current theme song is?
"One Way or Another" -- Blondie
This is the closest to being accurate as I'm gonna get.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Disorder" -- Joy Division
I can see that.

What song will play at my funeral?
"Move This" -- Technotronic
So it's a happy, retro affair, is it? You have my blessing.

What type of men do you like?
"Stars" -- Hum
Wow, that one worked out.

What is my day going to be like?
"Dross" -- The Smashing Pumpkins
So far, anyway.

04-06-2006 1:18 PM - comments (0)

Vicious Cycle.

Why can men be so terrible?

04-06-2006 9:48 AM - comments (0)

Planning Update #4.

So I think the salesperson at I Do I Do was wrong; my gown isn't a "private" label designer. I was flipping through a copy of Weddings In Style that I picked up at the grocery store today and saw it! I had to call my mom right away. We're actually waiting to buy it for her trip to St. Louis at the end of April. (That way, I can try on more gowns and she can actually see me in them.)

It looks more champagne than silver in real life. What do you think? Isn't it gorgeous? Almost all wedding gowns are beautiful, but this one is so me and so right for an evening ceremony at the City Museum, I think.

(Michael, you will NOT click on that link.)

04-04-2006 7:49 PM - comments (6)

"Now is the Winter of Our Discontent."

Last night, I was looking at the photos I took of the wedding gown I'm putting a deposit on today, I decided to flip through the all of the photos stored on our camera (we've yet to upload them to a computer because we can't find the USB cord). The first ones of are our apartment search, and it's so weird to see our apartment, bare and pristine. It's even weirder to see myself with such short hair. Then there's a late-summer party at Jamie and Richard's; Halloween (I was a bee, he was Spider-Man and there are lots of people I don't recognize); and our Christmas photos: bright, happy, cozy and us, followed by the authentic nighttime smiles minutes after he proposed while we were sitting on a turtle.

We were driving to get dinner last night when NPR told us the White Sox were playing Cleveland; it was scoreless in the third (that changed soon). Michael already knew this, but I was ecstatic.

"Opening Day?"

"Well, the Cardinals aren't starting until tomorrow."

"It's Opening Day!"

Pujols, Spivey, Eckstein, Edmonds, Molina (swoon), Taguchi, Encarnacion, Carpenter...and Rolen. Oh, Scott, how we've missed you.

I realized then, as I honestly started tearing up in the most peculiar fashion, that I had survived the winter.

It wasn't so bad at all.

04-03-2006 7:40 AM - comments (0)

Planning Update #3.

Well, I was wrong. We went to I Do I Do as promised and I tried on six gowns: a Maggie Sottero with corset-back that did wonders for my waist but gave me a "uniboob," to quote Monika; a strapless Alfred Sung that was out of my price range but lovely nonetheless; a vintage-style lace one with sleeves that Monika said wasn't worth buttoning up; a cliched strapless number in diamond-white that we tried just to prove how bad they all are on me; a gorgeous Mon Cheri gown (top left) I had ripped from a magazine to try that had a tight-fitting bodice and a huge, huge tulle skirt that gave new meaning to the term "princess bride"; and yes, a new The Gown but really, truly, The Gown that was so utterly perfect I almost stole it. It's a "private label" (store brand, I think that means), so I can't link to anything. Damn.

Monika was, as I expected, the right shopping partner. Never one to hold back an opinion, I could trust when she said something looked wonderful on me because she told me when something looked terrible.

I'm going to talk to my mother today to make sure she won't be too upset she doesn't get to go dress shopping with me and purchase it tomorrow or Monday. Photos to follow -- I'm a dummy and forgot the camera at home.

They took my measurements. Check it out: I'm a 36-26-39. Thirty-nine? Sweet Jesus! I used to be 36-24-36. By God (and, more likely, 24 Hour Fitness), I will be again.

04-01-2006 4:28 PM - comments (0)